dear Kaitlyn,

Dear Caitlyn,

The past couple of weeks have been hard. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed seeing you every single day. Running to me and yelling my name only to ask me one question: “Jason! Will you play checkers with me?” I can hear you say that phrase. You were so passionate when you said it. It was true. Raw.

You were always red. I was always black. I have to tell you the truth. When you beat me. I let you. But I let you beat me because it made you so happy. And to hear you say, “King Me!” Was absolutely fabulous. I do have a confession. You often achieved kingship by yourself. I had nothing to do with that. You got me there.

Well, now I have no one to play checkers with. And to be honest I don’t think they would satisfy me. Because I want to play checkers with you, Kaitlyn. Everyone that plays checkers is boring. But you brought life and passion to such a boring game. And I miss seeing you. Playing checkers. Playing tag. Hearing your stories about when you swam. Eating lunch with you. Eating your cheezits that were in your lunch box for who knows how long. I miss it.

I often times find myself in the middle of the day. Or waking up in the morning thinking about what you are doing. I can hear you call my name. It is such a wonderful sound. A lot of people know my name Kaitlyn. But for some reason when you say it. I feel like I matter.

Kaitlyn there are going to be a lot of people that are not nice to you. They are going to put limits on what you can accomplish. People are going to want you to be something that you were never created to be. But for here and now in this moment I want to tell you the simple truth. You are so beautiful. Your smile is perfect. You might walk kind of funny. But I think it's gangsta. You are unique and special. Please listen to these words because there are people that want to tell you differently.

The world wants to find Jesus in their preacher. In the superstars. In authors. In the powerful. But if people looked hard enough they will find that Jesus is in people like you.

Do not ever forget the still, quiet voice that calls you the beloved. You are loved, Kaitlyn. Thank you for helping me hear this voice. Because some days I really need it.

Jason

living in a world where 2+2=5

I can not begin to imagine a world where 2+2 does not equal 4. This is an absolute in my life. Hopefully in yours. If not... well. This is all I have ever known. I don’t hold nor any other human holds such the power to create such a community where 2+2=5.

Is it possible for there to be a world that exists that is totally foreign than mine? Sure it is possible. And I recognize that I do not have the will power to create such a community. But the one that I do believe holds this power is God. Creative being. Whatever you wish to call this thing that runs this world. He or she is such a strong designer that he or she is able to set absolutes in a world and they stay that way.

God has created such a system that we couldn’t even begin to recognize the implications of a world outside the one that already preexists. Meaning that aliens have eyes like us. We only can project “what we already know” on to life that could possibly exist outside our existence.

I do not claim that for one moment that I have all these absolutes figured out. Even take pi for example. The number is eternal. We know pi exists. But this number goes on forever. And we can keep looking and looking, but still never find. We recognize that we don’t have all the absolutes in the area of numbers. But with some ignorance we claim this with our spirituality.

Tonight when I was at work a guy I was working with called me a homo jokingly. I asked, “Do you think that is funny?” Then I said, “What if I was a homo?” He responds, “Well, I don’t like gays.” Then I said, “ I love gay people.” He laughs. Then I said gays like any other person are human beings. People of dignity and stature that deserve to be treated as such. In his mind gays scare him. Their way of life does not fit in his “absolute” view of how sexuality should be. So he responds with hate. Jokes.

I have to be honest. I don’t know really how God feels about homosexuals. I know how I feel. But only can begin to guess at how God feels. But I do know how God feels towards his creation. It is an absolute reality. He loves it. A sort of thing where 2+2=4. It is always the rule. There are no exceptions.

There is a story in Mark where a man encounters Jesus. Jesus requires of this man to sell all that he has. He's rich. He adores his stuff. It is what give him his identity. It defines him. The very thing he loves so much Jesus is calling him to walk away from him. So that a voice much bigger can be in the midst of this man's life. The beautiful image that Mark paints is that before this poor man says yes or no. Mark says Jesus first looked at him and loved him. Past tense. This love started a long time ago. It has no ending. It has no beginning. This is love. Sort of like 2+2=4 always. It is an absolute for God. Before we ever make any decisions about our life.

God loves.

It is an absolute.

It is who God is.

But the man instead of selling everything. Walks away from Jesus. And this saddens Jesus. God loves always. It is never lacking. Never. Whether we turn and walk away. It never lacks. It is an absolute. I think it saddens Jesus when we don’t use this absolute, eternal love to it’s best potential. God’s love is present before, during, and after any decision we choose to walk in, in this life. It is what he is. Whether I am a homosexual, heterosexual. Whatever. God loves me. It is the reality.

I have tried being in control. I have tried making my own absolutes. I have tried and tried. But I give up. I give it to the one who loves always. I don’t need anything else. The world does not need any other system except for the system that God has already created. We can’t help but live in this system.

It is our reality we can fight. Except it. Walk away. It is true in whatever way we choose to walk.

God loves us. It is true. It is beautiful. When I am lonely God loves me. When I am sinful and dirty God loves me. When I am joyed and filled with wonder God loves me. No matter what state my heart is in. The absolute, undeniable truth that can never be shaken.

God loves.