in the presence of His death

I could tell you why Jesus died. I could possibly tell you who was there. I could tell you how he died. But I don’t know if I can tell that I know what it feels like to stand before someone I believe to be the messiah and watch him die. The one that was bringing about restoration to the down and out was hanging naked on a cross. If that couldn’t be enough. He was mocked by empty phrases that carried the deepest intention of cursing the most innocent man that has ever lived (this is so understated).

Yet I know these things. You know these things. We have heard, read them more than once. And I don’t think I have ever stood in front of the dying savior. Paul makes a statement to this day that gives me chills. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the sharing of his sufferings by becoming like him in his death. The temptation for most of us is that we have the truest desire to know Christ’s resurrection but his death makes us extremely uncomfortable. For to watch any one die is a traumatic experience. Who would even dare to experience such?

Yet I believe that when heaven and earth collide there is strife. When God’s authority goes against man’s authority conflict arises. So when we begin to experience suffering. When we begin to truly desire what it means for God to be present in this world. When we recognize what it means to follow in the ways of Jesus. We must understand what it means to become like him death. And this is where the tension arises in me.

I try to put myself there at his death.

I am merely an on looker in the crowd that knows a little about this man yet I choose to do nothing about His situation.

Nothing.

I know why he is there on that cross. I know what the rest of the story is but I don’t know what it feels like to stand before him in such a vulnerable way. The son of God naked on a cross. Naked. It is like seeing a man die after his car has been hit. In that moment you want to be a doctor. But you are not. It is a sickening feeling. You might ask the “why” questions and then like the rest of the world go on to living your life. But I confess the images can not be erased. It is at this place that I rather not go. Because it makes me feel uncomfortable. I can not deny it. Because it is a place I need to go because I believe it carries great implications for the lives of those that follow in the ways of Jesus.

The death of Jesus is the ultimate image of God’s power on earth. This seems odd. Because we recognize that powers rests in those that have money: political figures, actors, and sometimes unfortunately religious authorities. Yet God’s power is recognized in his death. One that recognizes the reality of Christ’s death recognizes that the resurrection is sitting around the corner. God is setting things right. God will bring about justice on this earth. We are living in an eternal reality. Death is not the end. 

I try to take myself there. The place where my savior died. The place to where he revealed to the world this is what God’s authority looks like on earth. Restoration has a cost. Wholeness has cost. The beautiful picture behind this man Jesus who is nailed naked to a cross as that he will pay it. Even in the midst of people that deny him. I recognize in the midst of this beautiful story that when walking in the way of suffering one experiences the true reality in what it means to live in the resurrection of Christ.