dear Helmut,

Dear Helmut,
I just heard moments ago that you have breathed your last. And I am sitting in my room trying so hard to find something to fulfill this deep void within me. Trying to escape the reality of not so much your death but that you died in a lonely hospital room all by yourself.

When I came to visit you the last time I was sort of nervous. You were my great uncle Helmut who didn’t speak any English. And I was your great nephew that didn’t speak any German. I will never forget walking in to your small, quaint apartment. You engulfed me with this smile bigger than the ocean between our two countries and embraced me as if I was your long lost brother. We had something much deeper than language. We had blood. Although we were worlds apart I still felt close because of the stuff that flows through our veins.

You probably notice during that trip that I don’t do well with time change. I enjoyed our time together in the late hours of the night just sitting together and having an occasional cigarette. We had a conversation one of those nights that I actually understood. You are a teacher. I see it in your eyes. And some how through our broken communication we managed to have a conversation. It was beautiful.

The silver plate outside your apartment says “Hohl.” But the person that lived behind that plate was very much a mystery. I know little about you. And you died in obscurity. This was not fair to you and it is a tragedy. There was not any money available to buy you a decent coffin so that you might rest in dignity. And nobody around to come to your funeral. It is one thing to be lonely. And it is quite another to die lonely.

In the midst of this I am confused with what I want to do with my life. I know Helmut that I want to be a pastor. I find myself tempted to be the person that is seen. But I hope that instead I could be the kind of pastor that grips the hands of people that have nobody but themselves as they breathe their last. Because no one should die alone. Not one.

May the almighty and merciful God bless and protect us the Father, and the Son and the Holy Spirit

Ihr großer neffe,
Jason